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Tuesdays Torch week 496

Tuesday’s Torch

08/07/18

By: Tim Sader

Strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. (Acts 14:22)

After coming together for the big move to Summerville we got the truck packed and the house cleaned before heading to our destination. On the way out Sammy and I got locked in the van but our lawn care guy happened to be across the street and he saved the day. Then we met up with our moving truck and got on the road. It was amazing how much transpired in such a small window of time after being in one place for so long. Looking back I see that God was saying move and when the Spirit says move it is best that we do so. This move was only three hours away just barely far enough to be considered long distance. Sometimes traveling is difficult for me so we have to stop for a drink and repositioning sometimes. This was difficult in a motorcade riding down the interstate with all our possessions following us. Fortunately it was fairly easy to figure out how to make a stop by calling Ronnie and telling him we were stopping. It sucked having to slow our mission but we only had to do it twice so it wasn’t that bad. When we got into town somehow we got separated from the truck and they didn’t know where to go. They stopped at a gas station and we caught up with them there and waited for Laura to show us to the storage facility. We got parked in a spot next to the office in the shade so mom could check in and sign the papers. For some reason it took much longer than it should have then they took my mom on the golf cart to see which building we were in. It was like 100 degree heat index that day so it didn’t take long for us to start roasting in the car. We were in our van, Laura in her car and the moving truck waiting behind us. No one noticed our van was off. What was even worse we tried calling everyone and no one answered their phone. We were very annoyed and nervous because we just kept getting hotter and heat kills. After a while my whole body broke out in a strange sweat, I turned pale, nauseous and felt faint. This scared me bad but finally mom got back and I was able to drink some water, Gatorade and started feeling better right away. I think I was over heated and experienced the first panic attack of my life. I was so upset thinking how crazy it was that on my first day living with my wife I was having a major health scare.

This simple mishap that happened in the midst of this busy move set off a chain of negative events that day. Getting hot like I did had me on edge and made mom nervous so we felt she needed to sit with us for a while in the van. I never had problems with the heat like that but she’s always been sensitive to it and wasn’t able to be much help. Between me needing her and being out of the heat made it seemed she was ungrateful because no one needed to be in that heat. The man and his family who drove the truck all had health problems and never agreed to help unload the stuff. We tried to have more people there to unload but it all feel on a few broke down overheated people and a couple others who showed up later. I calmed down, mom was able to help some and everyone did what they could so we got it done but not without a few hurt feelings along the way. When the Spirit moves us away from our comfort we need be strong and encouraged to keep our faith in the Lord. There is no doubt that we must go through hardships to get where God is bringing us to. When Moses sent spies into the land God promised most of them came back with a negative report not remembering what the Lord had done for them (Nm 13:31). They felt that taking the land was impossible from those stronger nations. Because they feared taking that step God made it so they never had to. The next generation believed God could certainly drive out the Canaanites, Hittites, Hivites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites (Jo 3:10). There was still anxiety I’m sure because the gates of Jericho were securely barred and they had tall walls. But the Lord told Joshua that all of Jericho would be delivered into their hands so he trusted God (Jo 6:1-2). By faith the walls of Jericho fell after the army marched around them for seven days (Heb 11:30). By faith Sammy and I knew this day would come and it was no easy day for any of us but at the end of the day our stuff was in storage and our hearts were full.

Lord it is no doubt that coming out of our comfort zone is no easy task so we ask that you would help us with all of our moves in life. When hardships show up we ask that you would help us to not waste it stressed, mad or upset. Instead help us to be strengthened and encouraged when we endure such a challenge. Give us big faith God like the faith of Joshua and Caleb to see the Giants in the land and say but our God is so much bigger. Show us God that you are able to deliver us from all the ites standing in our way. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tuesdays Torch has been viewed in countries all across the globe through our website and social media. We pray the words of every Torch will sink into the hearts and minds of readers. Please share Tuesdays Torch and encourage others with it. To partner with Tuesdays Torch and help expand our reach please contact us. We pray the Lord will touch our readers. All of what Christ did was so we would believe. He told us not to believe because of what He said but in what He did (John 14:11). Every Tuesday we talk about what He did and is still doing. The best thing God’s done is send His Son so we could be saved (John 3:16). If anyone is not a believer we pray they will invite the Lord into their lives by asking Him to forgive their sins and believing that He is the Son of God. Please share testimonies, feedback or encouraging words by email at: tuesdaystorch@gmail.com we enjoy hearing from you. Look out for next Tuesdays Torch on our website http://www.tuesdaystorch.com , by email, Facebook and Twitter @tuesdaystorch Thanks and God Bless!

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

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Posted by on 08/07/2018 in Torches

 

Tuesdays Torch week 495

Tuesday’s Torch

07/31/18

By: Tim Sader

Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days, a month or a year, the Israelites would stay in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. (Numbers 9:22)

After about three weeks together in York we got a buyer for our house so the next step was us finding a house. When we make moves in life it is important for the Lord to take those steps with us. If we delight in Him and let His Spirit be our guide we will be able to follow the example of Christ in our lives. After we put an offer in on the house we live in today we relaxed for a day or two then Sammy and me would be apart until the move. At home we had packed up a lot of the art work, closets, stuff from my brother, books, some dishes and stuff we weren’t using. After finding a house and ours about to be sold there was still a lot to do. My aide Robert helped me pack up my room and somehow I had four medium boxes and a couple totes full of stuff. Friends came a couple times to help mom with packing and cleaning so there’d be less to do on moving day. Originally the closing was going to be the third of July but since that’s a busy weekend it got pushed back. We had a packing and loading the truck party the night before so we had to push it all back and hope we’d have enough help. I told Sammy the date moved, waiting an extra week was hard but her sister-in-law could only be gone a few days or we would have gladly been together sooner. Exactly three weeks after leaving my wife at her dads we were finally reunited for the big move. Sometime that day mom and a friend of ours Ronnie went and picked up the moving truck from Budget so we could fill it up. That Thursday night our friends came to help, we had Sandwiches, hung out and packed the truck. I think about ten people showed up some could only help for an hour or two but four stayed until the job was done. Sammy got there a few hours after everyone else got there. Me and her felt useless while we watched everyone work hard to move us while we did nothing. It’s a humbling feeling to see how much people care and wanted to see things work for us. Many of the people helping wished we were staying but they were happy I found Sammy and they did everything they could to help us succeed.

These moments with the faces I grew up with for twenty plus years in that house were a wide mixture of emotions. Nothing could have stopped me from going with my wife and it being a happy move but there were brief moments of sadness leaving the life I had built for myself. That night Sammy and I slept in the guest bed set up in the dining room. Mom went to the closing early that morning while we were in bed. When she got back I rolled over and got up as late as I could until they had to pack up the bed. Laura and some friends brought cleaning equipment so that the house would be spotless for the new owner. I took one last spin around the house and after the flood of memories said a few tearful goodbyes but not for long; I knew I’d see them all again. When Sammy and I got in the van with the dog he jumped up on the driver’s door and locked us in. Luckily the guy who did our yard work was walking by and the window was down enough for him to reach the lock with his skinny arm. After that we met Ronnie at the gas station so him, his daughter and son-in-law could follow us with the moving truck and help us unload it at the storage building. Leaving is never easy and in this world we can never know how long we will be in a certain place. God may place us somewhere for twenty years but when the right time comes we will be called to our next place. I never heard an audible voice telling me to go but when a man marries a woman he willingly gives up his comfort to hold on to his wife. When the Lord told Israel in the desert to move He lifted the cloud and they followed it to the next destination (Nm 9:23). Unfortunately we get no cloud but the Spirit inside of us is our guide and He will lead us in both physical and spiritual moves. Sometimes we just get a feeling deep inside that we need to take a step when the Spirit moves us to do so. Simeon was moved in Spirit to go to the temple to see the Messiah before his own death and he encouraged both His parents (Lk. 2:27). Through our faith in God we can move mountains that rise up in our lives. Nothing is impossible if we believe (Mt 17:20). Until I met Sammy I kept myself mostly trapped at home as far as staying overnight anywhere. Between her inspiring me to get out again and getting new wheels the Spirit was moving me somewhere and she was coming with me.

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Lord help us to make moves when we feel the Spirit is moving us to do so. When it feels unsure what’s next or like you’re not speaking to us help the circumstances in our lives push us in the direction you are leading us. Help our faith God when we see mountains in life to trust that you can make them move. We ask that you would do the impossible for us. Move our spirit God so that we can see what you are doing and so that we don’t miss it. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tuesdays Torch has been viewed in countries all across the globe through our website and social media. We pray the words of every Torch will sink into the hearts and minds of readers. Please share Tuesdays Torch and encourage others with it. To partner with Tuesdays Torch and help expand our reach please contact us. We pray the Lord will touch our readers. All of what Christ did was so we would believe. He told us not to believe because of what He said but in what He did (John 14:11). Every Tuesday we talk about what He did and is still doing. The best thing God’s done is send His Son so we could be saved (John 3:16). If anyone is not a believer we pray they will invite the Lord into their lives by asking Him to forgive their sins and believing that He is the Son of God. Please share testimonies, feedback or encouraging words by email at: tuesdaystorch@gmail.com we enjoy hearing from you. Look out for next Tuesdays Torch on our website http://www.tuesdaystorch.com , by email, Facebook and Twitter @tuesdaystorch Thanks and God Bless!

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

 
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Posted by on 07/31/2018 in Torches

 

Blog from February 25, 2016

February 25, 2016

07/30/18

By: Cindy Lundhagen

(A continuation from Monday) – I’ve decided to go ahead of the normal broadcast schedule since I’ve gotten most of the hardest stuff out there and I’m emotionally ready. First, I want to say thanks for all the comments of support. But, above all else, I want to make sure you didn’t miss the point. I had no strength and resiliency left. I couldn’t do it on my own. It was only in my weakness that I turned to God. It was only His strength, His love, His mercy and His grace that allowed me to keep battling.

1 John 4:16 – “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them”. Looking back, I cling to this verse as an explanation as to what God had just done in my life. He had given me new life…literally and figuratively. He gave me a second chance with my own life simply because of the love He had for me and He gave me a new life with whom I could experience the beauty and joy of unconditional love for the first time. My daughter, Corey, is WITHOUT DOUBT, an absolute gift from God.

So my life changed…almost overnight. I asked God’s forgiveness for all I had done and hadn’t done. And sheerly through undeserved grace, I felt I could lift my head just a little. I quit all my previous behaviors and started to live life solely dedicated to loving and providing for the extraordinary baby girl whom God blessed me … And I was so, so, so, so, so, so very grateful. Words cannot express… God, now, more than ever before fully had my heart.

So my daughter and I lived a life with the “to be expected” struggles that come to a single parent…but also with incredible love and happiness. Then in the summer of 2012, my younger sister and her husband at the time came to visit. At the end of their stay, they wanted to have a “talk” with Corey and I. They proceeded to tell us that they had found religion and church, that they were worried about us…that if we didn’t hurry and “get right” with God that we wouldn’t be going to heaven but rather to hell. I got very angry and shut down the conversation because (1) they knew nothing about my faith and experience with God (2) in my mind, I was already “right with” God, (3) they should never have forced this talk in front of my 13 year old daughter and (4) only God is in the business of deciding… I put my trust in Him.

My daughter was the cooler head at the time and the wiser of the two of us. She said I shouldn’t have gotten so angry…we could have politely listened. Some great role model I was… But her words made me pause. It made me stop and really think for the first time about some very serious things. Being brutally honest, how was my relationship with God? I realized it had mostly been one-sided…with me always turning to God in my need…asking for His help, His love, His forgiveness. Always asking, asking, asking…for something. What had I put into the relationship? How well did I even know God? So I committed then and there that I wanted this to be a two-way relationship…and I had a lot of catching up to do. I decided I would start by reading God’s story.

So I began to read the Bible every morning…a chapter a day with my morning coffee…just like medicine. And the story was captivating… Next time I’ll share some of the under-rated miracles that began to happen in my life. You will be amazed!

Cindy Lundhagen — Summerville, SC

 
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Posted by on 07/30/2018 in Friends on Fire

 

The Problem of Eternity

SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS OF THE CROSS

ONE: THE NECESSITY OF THE CROSS

IV: The Problem of Eternity: Forgiveness!

By: Brother Cliff

God, Who is Holy, must deal righteously with that which is unholy: sin and its fruit, at its source which is mankind. The Holy God must put away sin and its fruit; both of which are unholy, by cutting off and putting away their source. Therefore, He must cut off and put away through death, mankind. In this lay the crisis of Eternity for God, because God Who is Holy is also God Who is Love.

In the measured wrath of righteous judgment, His Holiness demanded death to sinful mankind. In the passionate mercy of His Fatherly heart, His love demanded an acceptable, sacrificial Substitute!

Joh 3:14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:

:15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

:17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 

Only the eternally pure, sinless, and Holy Lamb; once and forever for all mankind, would be accepted by the Father and then sacrificed in substitutional identification as the sin of the world.

The wrath of His righteous judgment toward both sin and sinner was satisfied, in that is was fully poured out upon His Son. All that mankind might be before Him in Love, Holy, and unblamable in His sight; accepted in the Beloved.

Behold! The Holy One of Israel, given by the Father for: the propitiation of our sin, our redemption from sin, our justification before Him, and our reconciliation to Him; all and forever only, through the Atonement of the Cross.

II Co 5:21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.”

Brother Cliff — Fort Mill, SC

 
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Posted by on 07/25/2018 in Friends on Fire

 

Tuesdays Torch week 494

Tuesday’s Torch

07/24/18

By: Tim Sader 

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way? (Proverbs 20:24)

When Sammy decided to come to me for a month we prayed that an offer would come in because of her step of faith. We never gave up on our hope that the Lord would help bring together what He started in our lives. After Sammy’s dad went and looked at some houses that would work for us we needed to go to Summerville so we could see them and make a decision. Since our house was under contract this was the next step so instead of Sammy staying a month the last week of her trip we spent it in Summerville at her dads. After coming back home she thought she’d have to get a new aide but her aide only did fill-ins while Sammy was gone so she could come back when she got home. We spent these five days with Sammy at Perry and Darlene’s house so we could be together in the same place. After we got there mom had an appointment set up with our realtor Bob to look at a few houses including the one Perry went and looked at for us. One of the homes was really nice on the inside but because it was older there were problems on the outside with rotting wood and an older roof. Mom liked the house that Perry looked at with Bob but wanted a day to think about putting in an offer on it. After prayers and some thought we decided it was one of the best houses we had seen during our home search and wanted to make an offer before anyone else could. We had to make the offer pending on the sale of our house that was under contract but this time it seemed like a sure thing. After deciding on the house that we call home today we signed the e-documents to get the ball rolling. We were at ease for a few days before heading back to finalize the sale of our family home. During her month with me we started a TV series marathon because she hoped I would like Greys Anatomy and wanted to catch me up so I could watch it with her when the new season started. I learned quickly that Sammy is my person and that sometimes in life we just have to dance it out. So for a few more days we watched as much as we could before the next step in our adventure together.

After going back home this time we had some idea that the next step would be us moving down there. We knew this would be at least two weeks from the day I left her in Summerville until the day before our move. We didn’t like not exactly knowing how long it would be but we had trusted God so far and He would soon reveal to us what was next for our journey. If our steps are directed by the Lord, how can we understand the way we should go? Some of us feel as if we are on the right track but more of us probably feel like we’ve stumbled off of it somewhere. How can we be sure that we’ve held to the path of the Lord (Ps 17:5)? The Lord makes firm the steps of those who delight in Him. If they stumble He will not let them fall because He holds them up with His hand (Ps 37:23-24). How do we know if it is His step, the step we think He’d take or just the one we want Him to take? I think a clue is that righteousness goes before Him and prepares the way for His steps (Ps 85:13). I think this has a lot to do with delighting in Him. If we delight in Him we are likely choosing to live a righteous life. At very least it means we have a relationship with Him and we care enough about it to want His input in the way we should go. The Spirit will lead and we will have love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as fruit in our lives. In Christ we have crucified our flesh with its passions and desires. We are no longer in step with the flesh but the Spirit will lead our steps (Gal 5:22-25). When we were called it was because Christ suffered for us and left us the perfect example so that we could follow His steps (1 Pet 2:21). If we make God our first step the next step He brings us to will be okay because His Spirit will be right there leading the way. Several times we wanted things a certain way for finding our new home and though we liked others but the timing was off so looking back at it now this time was the right time because things just fell into place for us.

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Lord help us to make the one right step we can make to be sure all the next steps are the ones you bring us through. Lord we choose to make you Lord of our lives because we love you and have committed our ways to you. So Lord we ask that your Spirit would guide us in righteous living so that your steps are the only ones we want to take. Help the fruit of your Spirit be the evidence that we delight in you and care about your wishes for us. And Lord we know that you make our steps firm and we thank you for being there to catch us when we stumble so we don’t fall. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tuesdays Torch has been viewed in countries all across the globe through our website and social media. We pray the words of every Torch will sink into the hearts and minds of readers. Please share Tuesdays Torch and encourage others with it. To partner with Tuesdays Torch and help expand our reach please contact us. We pray the Lord will touch our readers. All of what Christ did was so we would believe. He told us not to believe because of what He said but in what He did (John 14:11). Every Tuesday we talk about what He did and is still doing. The best thing God’s done is send His Son so we could be saved (John 3:16). If anyone is not a believer we pray they will invite the Lord into their lives by asking Him to forgive their sins and believing that He is the Son of God. Please share testimonies, feedback or encouraging words by email at: tuesdaystorch@gmail.com we enjoy hearing from you. Look out for next Tuesdays Torch on our website http://www.tuesdaystorch.com , by email, Facebook and Twitter @tuesdaystorch Thanks and God Bless!

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

 
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Posted by on 07/24/2018 in Torches

 

Tuesdays Torch week 493

Tuesday’s Torch

07/17/18

By: Tim Sader

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:5)

After two more weeks together we had spent more days together after our wedding than we had spent apart. During this time we got used to somewhat of a schedule and learned some of the differences between us. In marriage we learn to lay down our selves so we can be the first one to lovingly submit to the other. In the same way we should submit our lives to God, He is there through all the storms and will never reject us. After six more days together we brought Sammy to meet her ride at Lowes in Columbia. This time was different though Robbie, Laura’s husband had a birthday and Sammy’s sister was working nearby so we went and had dinner at Carolina Ale House. Four days after Sammy went to check in we were on our way to the Waffle House to pick her up again. This time she took an even bigger risk when she decided to come and stay at least a month or possibly until our house sold. We prayed a lot that someone would put in an offer on the house during this big faith step for Sammy. She let go of a great aide and made arrangements with her case manager to have an aide up by me through the home health agency that I use. The first weekend after she got there we went to Target to buy somethings she needed at our house to make it feel more like home. She brought her IPad with her but had no surface that felt right for her to use it on that was close to my workstation. We went out and got a little desk that was her right height and it fit nicely wherever she needed it to be. That Monday was the first day for Sammy’s temporary aide Rhonda to come and help her. She learned very fast and even was able to pick her up without the hoyer lift. Not many people can move her that way because there are only certain ways she can be moved without it hurting her. Rhonda was a great aide she even liked to build things so she put the desk together that Sammy bought. Good thing she did or it might still be in the box because mom and me aren’t good with stuff like that. Memorial Day weekend we hung out again with our friends Bobby, Ashley and Lila their little girl. We went to her dance recital, out for shaved ice and to the movies that night. The following weekend we got together with friends at the Mexican restaurant for Melina’s birthday.

A few days before that party Sammy’s faith and our prayers paid off when someone decide to put in an offer on our house so we had many reasons to celebrate. When it sold we wrote to our realtor in Charleston and told him we needed to find something as soon as possible. Sammy’s dad actually went out for us to look at some houses before we could get back down there. They found two houses that were nice and would work for us so we got ready to take Sammy back and go on a serious house hunting adventure. We had waited so long and waited on the Lord to sell our house for a while. We wanted it to happen before we were married so we wouldn’t have to travel to see eachother afterwards. That just wasn’t the plan though so we continued to wait on Him trusting that He would bring together what He started in our lives. When hope is delayed it is a sickening feeling but when what we longed for finally happens it fills us with life (Pr 13:12). We need to remember that God is good to those who seek and hope in Him. It is good to wait on Him to be our salvation (Lam 3:25-26). Abraham the father of our faith against all odds had hope and believed so He became the father of many nations in his old age just like God said He would (Rom 4:18). As we learn to trust Him the God of hope fills us with joy and peace so that we can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom 15:13). I like this, the God of hope gives us the super natural power to have hope. He has also given us a new living hope through the resurrection of Christ into an inheritance that cannot perish; in heaven (1 Pet 1:3-4). During our entire relationship there were many hurdles to jump along the way but everytime one came up inside of me I knew we would overcome and we always did. Without the hope given by God I am certain I would not have been quite as sure that it would all work out.

Lord you know and see our troubles; we are waiting on you God to move on behalf of us. We wait Lord because have hope that you will perform your word in our lives. We thank you God for giving us what we long for and for being our tree of life. We know that you are good so help us to seek you so that you maybe our salvation. Against all hope God may we hope in you to do the impossible in our lives like you said you would. Show us Lord that you are the God of hope and that with your power you fill us with hope in you. Thank you also for the hope of salvation that we have in Jesus your Son so that we can inherent our blessings and eternal life. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tuesdays Torch has been viewed in countries all across the globe through our website and social media. We pray the words of every Torch will sink into the hearts and minds of readers. Please share Tuesdays Torch and encourage others with it. To partner with Tuesdays Torch and help expand our reach please contact us. We pray the Lord will touch our readers. All of what Christ did was so we would believe. He told us not to believe because of what He said but in what He did (John 14:11). Every Tuesday we talk about what He did and is still doing. The best thing God’s done is send His Son so we could be saved (John 3:16). If anyone is not a believer we pray they will invite the Lord into their lives by asking Him to forgive their sins and believing that He is the Son of God. Please share testimonies, feedback or encouraging words by email at: tuesdaystorch@gmail.com we enjoy hearing from you. Look out for next Tuesdays Torch on our website http://www.tuesdaystorch.com , by email, Facebook and Twitter @tuesdaystorch Thanks and God Bless!

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

 
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Posted by on 07/17/2018 in Torches

 

Blog from February 22, 2016

February 22, 2016

07/16/18

By: Cindy Lundhagen

(A continuation from Monday) – warning…this covers a period of separation (from God that is) and you probably won’t like me much after reading this one (I’ll have to accept that risk and if necessary pay that price). It will be worth it if, in the end, you understand that this period illustrates that God never leaves. He is patient. He is faithful. And He is full of all-consuming love, mercy and amazing grace.

After graduating high school, I found my ticket out with an Air Force ROTC scholarship to Louisiana Tech University. I thought I could simply run away from my past and everyone in it. But I brought along a ton of baggage…more than I could carry. The way I survived my childhood was all about self preservation…fight when possible, flight when necessary and avoidance at all costs. The costs were devastating to both my sisters. My older sister endured some horrific things; my guilt lies in not saying or doing anything to save her. I left home when my younger sister was only 13 knowing full well the fate that could await her. They are both deeply troubled today. Psychologists would call it “Survivor’s Guilt”; I call it a personal hell you carry in your soul.

Don’t let anyone tell you that physical and emotional scars don’t hurt. Scars are surface repairs that simply try to bind; the healing has to occur down below the surface where the actual wound (aka pain) is found. If you don’t heal there…the scars will hurt. My scars were still hurting. I began to struggle with PTSD…nightmares and fits of pure rage over minor incidents most people would blow off. I confided in and loved someone for the first time…only to be devastated when I couldn’t be what that person wanted me to be. The relationship fizzled and eventually died. I vowed to never allow myself to be hurt again…by anything. I built a fortress to protect…from all things.

Graduated college and got assigned to Charleston Air Force Base. Finally freedom and money. But my issues followed me once more. Managed my life in ship tight compartments (or so I thought)…doing extremely well professionally and not so great personally. I didn’t know how to love and trust…so I didn’t. I got involved in lots of relationships where love and trust were not requirements. I discovered I could get physical satisfaction without emotional attachment…with virtually anyone I wanted whenever I wanted…so I did. I broke hearts and I broke marriages. Eventually…it all broke me. It was like I was emotionally vulnerable and emotionally dead at the same time. The turning point was when a man left his young child home alone to come see me. Potential harm to a child was a line I dared not cross. The thing was I didn’t know how to get out of my mess. I wanted to kill myself but I didn’t want to die. Yet again I had no where else to turn…except back to God. I begged him to either help me to end my life or to save it. I poured my heart out to Him that night; completely surrendered everything and left it all in His hands. At the end of the night I was still there and had reconnected with God in such an incredibly intense and powerful way. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. And I thanked God for saving us both…

The good stuff starts next Monday.

Cindy Lundhagen — Summerville, SC

 
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Posted by on 07/16/2018 in Friends on Fire