By: Tim Sader
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:8)
Right after starting Tuesdays Torch I felt the blessings of God on my life and was certain He brought Erin Hope into my life and we were in love. Unfortunately a lot of extra stress was dumped on us above and beyond what was normal. Shortly after we met I got sick and was in the hospital during the week of Mother’s Day. I really was unsure what exactly was happening I felt congested some and would get a feeling like my stomach was full or bloated. The symptoms kind of came and went I would feel better for a day or two then when it came back I would feel worse. Finally I felt bad enough to call and be transported to the hospital in Charlotte to be near my doctors. In the ER I told them my symptoms and when the doctor pressed on my tummy she knew something wasn’t right and needed to get the swelling down before it ruptured. First I had to get a tube put up my nose and fed it down into my stomach to let out the gases and pump it to see what was in it. It was horrible feeling to me and it had to be there through the night. After running a scan of my abdomen they admitted me to the hospital for observation and to help me over the hump. Erin spent many hours with me but on Mother’s Day her girls, my mom and brother came and I was able to go eat with them in the cafeteria, it was a good day. Before going into the hospital I was still able to feed myself but during my recovery I couldn’t lean forward over the table on my tummy and feed myself so I lost the ability completely. With Muscular Dystrophy if you stop doing an ability there isn’t much that can be done to regain it. After that I got to worrying about my health. I wanted to live the life I had with Erin and see her daughters grow up. While we were together she also lost her job, was hurting financially and was turned down for unemployment. When she couldn’t find a job she decided to go back to school when her daughter started school. Our love was strong but all the stress changed things between us. We went from what seemed so perfect to arguing all the time and attacking eachothers weaknesses. Right before it went haywire I bought a ring and hoped to give it to her. But she felt beat, depressed, frustrated and hopeless. I had a lot of needs I was unsure about, I got clingy and insecure. At that time she had no desire to stay in the relationship so we never got to the ring.
When this happened I was so worried that she would be the death of me. I never physically felt so much pain in my life. Everything reminded me of her. I was sick to my stomach, couldn’t eat, sleep or shut off my mind. Hope differed makes the heart sick (Pr. 13:12). I found out more than ever before, that life was not fair. To get over this I decided to take my hope off the person with hope in her name and placed it in the hands of God who none of us can live without. I fell in love with Jesus like I never had before (Mt. 22:37) He started revealing himself to me in books, scripture, music and dreams. He showed me he had a plan for my life; right from where I was sitting. Without learning to have hope in the source of hope I would not have had the strength to go on. I dug in deep to His word and kept writing the Torch that I started just before I got into that relationship. I was discouraged and didn’t feel like writing but I never stopped and as I drew near to God I felt Him draw near to me. I read a great book called “The Shack” by William P. Young and it helped me to see God on a more personal level. After a few months or so running after the Person of Christ I finally felt the love of God in my heart. I realized that our hope in every circumstance should be in the Lord. Other people do not have the happiness we seek it comes from God. When I realized God was all I had He was all I knew that I ever needed and down the road He would bring me the best wife in the world. She understands me like no one ever has and I love her so very much.
Lord I thank you that the relationships in our past have been part of the journey of getting us to where we are today. Help us not to look at relationships that didn’t work out with hate, animosity or negativity. This isn’t always easy Lord but necessary so that we can move forward. We ask that you would take away our pain and hurt from the past and replace them with high hopes for the future. Mostly Lord no one loves us like you do and no relationship can replace you. Help us to love you before we love anyone else so that we can love everyone like we should. In Jesus name, Amen.
Tuesdays Torch has been viewed in countries all across the globe through our website and social media. We pray the words of every Torch will sink into the hearts and minds of readers. Please share Tuesdays Torch and encourage others with it. To partner with Tuesdays Torch and help expand our reach please contact us. We pray the Lord will touch our readers. All of what Christ did was so we would believe. He told us not to believe because of what He said but in what He did (John 14:11). Every Tuesday we talk about what He did and is still doing. The best thing God’s done is send His Son so we could be saved (John 3:16). If anyone is not a believer we pray they will invite the Lord into their lives by asking Him to forgive their sins and believing that He is the Son of God. Please share testimonies, feedback or encouraging words by email at: firstname.lastname@example.org we enjoy hearing from you. Look out for next Tuesdays Torch on our website http://www.tuesdaystorch.com , by email, on Facebook as Tuesdays Torch or Twitter @tuesdaystorch Thanks and God Bless!
No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16